Gerda Rises Up to Go On

[DnJ]

Hello Gerda

I am glad my words provided some comfort. And yes, I definitely see your H as the troubled man and tormented soul he is.

It’s nice to see you are finding some practical visualization on healing. It sounds like that book is making quite an impact.

I know I really loved him and I know I felt he loved me too.

That is some fine intellectual reflection. Write it down for later.

Feelings will sometimes say differently. Read it during these times.

Thoughts and feeling will influence one’s beliefs.

Make that thought a belief within yourself. You know it is true, it happened. Our histories are immutable and we do “know” them. This can be a strong force and conviction.

For me, that is a key piece of my compassion, understanding, empathy, and forgiveness. It’s more than I know my XW loved me and I her. I believe it - and that is beyond feeling and knowing.

I don't believe in fate, karma or luck here, I must say. There is just free will and the will of God. I recognize now more than ever my powerlessness to do much of anything. It's helping me to put it all in God's hands.

Oh, if you and I could just sit across from each other at a table, what discussions we would have.

What if fate, karma, or luck is just God asserting his will on someone who is stubbornly asserting their free will. Well not so much a direct action by God, more an emergent affect that comes about from one seriously deviating from the path.

I look at raising my kids when they were young. I love them and I had desires for them, a will I would like to see, a path for them. My “will” was not thought out to the small details of their lives. It was a more general higher looking stuff.

Perhaps God’s loving us and raising us in a similar manner; a much more complex and thoughtful plan I am sure. Still high level enough for one’s free will to have meaning. For chance encounters to happen, randomness, luck, and such.

Sorry, straying into a theology discussion. Possibilities - this is me. There are many. And at my core, I love possibilities - it’s where hope lives.

For what it’s worth, I believe in God’s will and free will. Putting H in God’s hands is a very good path to take.

I am so glad you are tasting heaven and realize it. There are many blessings and gifts along this path, such an incredible opportunity, one that most people will never get to know. Makes me sometimes ponder whom we should really feel sad for.

DnJ