Moving On Over to Surviving the Big D

[bttrfly]

And I think: eureka he is growing up and we will be civil!

I recently had the same thought about mine. NOPE!

This is where his maturity is really going to shine through. He tells me the dog does not sleep too much at his house and says lack of appetite and excessive sleep are probably due to him having to endure my company. Ahh, so mature. And then he tells me I am not allowed to talk to his sister in law! Hah. Seriously! Guess he thinks this is Saudi Arabia?!?! Um, and how do plan to stop that?

You know Ha, this is sooooo familiar, it's scary. Are you sure your exh and my exh aren't related?

I ignore because I just can’t believe this is where he is mentally. When you step away from this it is just jaw dropping to glimpse it again.

YES. Just happened to me this month. Crisis with son, on phone exh was reasonable and helpful. I thought wow, finally! help is on the way. Then he flew into town and started similar behaviors to your madman. All I could imagine was a five year old throwing a major tantrum, as he yelled, screamed and chanted "I'm not listening to you I'm not listening to you I'm not listening to you I'm not listening to you." This from a 50 year old. It's shocking, isn't it?

Ex then texts that I need video proof of him playing this with the dog. And I just say: you know you did it, you know I did not approve nor did I play this with him, our kids know you did it and they saw it as well. There is right and there is wrong. (Guess he has yet to reach that developmental stage.)

He says it was cracked before we separated and I owe 1/2. I really do not want the dog in the middle of this. But I say, if that is the case, why did you not ask me to pay 1/2 in the divorce proceedings? If you had done so, I would have said this was your thing with the dog and you should take care of it as I had no part in it. The judge would have sided with me based on this and he would paid for it. And then I told him contractually we agreed no renegotiated past expenses. If we were married I would owe 1/2 for his moronic behavior but we are not.

One more glimpse of where he is mentally? A few weekends ago we pull into the parking lot for s’s game at the same time. S is already at the court so he thankfully is not witness to this silliness. Ex speeds past me in the parking lot which is full but for 3 spaces right near each other. I pull into one. No sign of ex who pulled a NASCAR lap on me. Someone pulls into the spot next to me. I get out and see ex had pulled into the third one and is smirking, trying not to laugh as he speed walks past me.

You just can’t make this stuff up! This is 5 years post BD and he’ll be 51 (still going on 17).

No dear one, you cannot make this up. Not at all. All I can say, since I don't want to hijack your thread with my own tales of horror, is this: I firmly believe that MLC is either a mental illness or part of a personality disorder, since so very many of these MLCrs display the same behaviors - FOR YEARS. By my reckoning we are now 4 years and almost 8 months post BD, with definite symptoms apparent an additional two years before that. Today I believe my exh is never coming out of it. Heartbreaking really, since our son is so desperately in need of a positive male role model. I'm sorry to say that after holding exh in a compassionate space for years post BD, today I have zero compassion for what exh must be going through. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow, but today, no. I'm just too angry. I'm very grateful however that both you and I are free of these fools.