Let my d6 vidchat wife this morning before school. I overheard wife mention some money that d6 needed to take in. I let my wife know I was there and asked to confirm what was needed. Her: I'm talking to d6 not you!
Having to just ride the storm of her anger and hatred towards me, this makes it really hard to maintain any inner hope.
I continue to have conflicting thoughts about wanting to reach out and offer her an olive branch.
She perceives any attempt from me to be positive or friendly as manipulative.
And any assertiveness or saying no as confirmation I'm controlling and an A###hole.
I do wonder with her particular history and psychological make up make this harder. She sees everything through a filter of abuse and has frequently cut people out of her life she perceives to be negative influences or wanting something from her,( this includes her mother and 2 of her 3 sisters) she often talks about people wanting her energy.
The only way back last time we split 4 years ago seemed to be me falling on my sword, agreeing with everything she said, it regained her trust but was doomed not to last.
I worry that she is inherently threatened and on her guard around assertive men, it's part of why she was attracted to me in the first place because I seemed so easy going.
Been reading lots more NMMNG, I've had the same patterns in all my relationships.
While committed to change long term, I am very much struggling with the immediate situation and fear I am losing her more everyday.
