Saw my counsellor today, spoke about my fear of sending Xmas mail, and wifes anger in response and the cold shoulder,
Discussed that it was me setting a boundary and that if not used to it, it would be difficult. She raised one interesting point when I mentioned I felt like I was hurting her by standing firm on Xmas, She queried whether a part of me wanted to,
Honestly I think a part of me did. Although I was clear I also felt I had to stand up for myself and stop avoiding conflict and resulting resentment and eventual passive aggressive behaviour.
After the session, I have to admit I'm having a bit of a wobble today I still care deeply for my wife, love her and don't want her in pain.
Had thoughts of me turning around before Christmas and offering her the time with kids Xmas eve and Xmas morning.
Know I will be thinking of her a lot at this time and just want things to be resolved. At the same time I would be making myself a martyr to protect her from the pain.
Her anger remains palpable, huge change in that she only sent 1 message today Her: reminder s12 has dental appointment at 5
I didn't respond, I had this diarised and covered.
Then s12 isn't were he was supposed to be when I picked him up from the bus stop, it's a new route for him staying at mine, and caused a lot of panic as his phone is in for repair.
Phoned my wife and we both searched the local area seperately and made all the calls. Eventually he turned up at my flat , having got off a mile early and deciding to walk along the sea front.
After all of this she is still brewing with anger, I can see it, she is actively avoiding any eye contact with me, will not speak or engage with anything but the fewest words and is in an absolute rush to get away from me.
She's acting as if she both hates me and fears me as she doubles down on this narrative.
I feel very compelled to try and build some bridges, but feel it would change nothing when she's so consumed in this portrait of me.
Right now I feel my sitch is hopeless, do Waw's ever soften over time in these sitch's, it feels so final and the longer this has gone on, the more her hate and more solidified on her decision she seems to be.
She hasn't mentioned divorce yet, but this is because she sees seperation as the same thing, divorce just being the more legal and expensive option.
As far as she is concerned the marriage is dead. I strongly suspect it's only a matter of time before she's with a grass is greener om
Funnily my counsellor suggested asking her to attend MC due to some of her obvious issues and dynamic of the relationship, made it clear that just asking would be a red rag to a bull.
Counsellor did have some interesting views on attachment types and likelihood both me and my wife were fluid between anxious and avoident styles. More reading to do.
