I have a question around the type of contact I should have with H.
I agree with your minimal contact. Remain kind and cordial, as best you can. Talk with him (no to him) like you would a work colleague or boss; polite and mostly business related. That behaviour and communication is not rude.
As for standing and becoming the best version of yourself. Do both.
You need to heal and find your stable foundation. Finding your inner strengthens, your beliefs and values. Taking a good accurate look at them, and adjusting the ones that you are not completely pleased with. This takes time and growth. The return on such an investment is that best version of you.
While you are doing that - stand.
Or maybe more accurately - don’t stand down.
You are not ready to go out dating and such; and you are still married. Let H do whatever he is doing towards ending things, all that heavy lifting. You focus on you.
So in effect you stand for you. Not H or your marriage, although it amounts to the same for the time being. Standing really starts when one is healed enough to stand down. You’ve got lots of time, no need to rush deciding about standing or not. You’re probably not really ready to do anything else anyhow. And that is a very good thing.
H is the father and is going to be in son’s life and therefore your’s, for a long time. Best to take the high road and create a cordial relationship with him. Ya I know, being the stable parent and spouse puts the majority of the work load on you. Arggggg. Go punch a pillow, get the anger out, and find acceptance to this unfortunate fact - H is behaving like a teenager and you are left holding the bag. Of course I don’t believe you would want things reversed. Maybe that viewpoint helps a bit.
As you heal, converse with H, grow, and become that best person you can be more and more will be revealed. Future decisions will become less clouded. Have faith and be patient.
And yes, one can square everything with their conscience. And that journey is so very worth it.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
