New topic: I have a question around the type of contact I should have with H.
At this point, it's my preference to only be in proximity with him long enough to say hello and goodbye while we exchange S1. I'm not interested in chit chat about his day, nor in sharing anything about my day, let alone anything more significant. The last time he spewed at me, he acted very injured that I never make small talk with him, and said that makes me mean and cold. I don't want to be his friend. I do try to limit our contact.
Is this rude of me? I'm on the fence about standing for this marriage but I do want to be the best version of myself so I can square everything away with my conscience.
Hey Scout,
This sounds like a good plan. Minimal exchanges with you being calm and breezy during the hellos and goodbyes. If he does want to make chit chat, maybe entertain it a little, from time to time, then break it off fairly quickly as you've got to run. I use lots of "M-hmms" and "Oh really's" when my XW unloads a stream of consciousness on me, as well as engaging, animated eye contact (my XW used to loved my eyes and looking at them, so that's more of a 'seductive' thing in my sitch, which you may obviously not feel the same to your H at the moment), kind of like when we were married (these daily downloads from my XW were part of our dynamic so it's fairly easy for me). I keep it light and upbeat, with a 'no worries' attitude. Notice your body language and facial expression too, and adjust if required so as to avoid folded arms or giving off a tense, stressed vibe.
Speak to your L about creating a "Communication Book" to pass messages back and forth about matters concerning your son
H's feeling injured etc that you don't make small talk is mind boggling given the circumstances, and I detect a significantly deficient level of maturity within him.
And no, I don't think it's rude of you
Cheers, DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
