I really appreciate the reality check, thank you both. Your words give credence to the growing feelings in my heart.
I have read on other threads/boards about the validity of MLC and whether we as LBS insist on viewing things through this lens because we are desperately searching for some logical explanation of what happened. When perhaps the concept is meaningless and people who act as though they are in MLC are long broken and something triggered their inability to cope or maintain the facade. Or even more simply, they believed they were entitled to their happiness at any cost, ie. narcissist.
Maybe in my case, this is true.
I know there are marriages that end in mutual respect, kindness, sorrow, regret. It's hard to understand why we weren't afforded this same consideration by our spouses. Did we choose the 'wrong' type of person? Did we contribute to our own mistreatment? I do think the presence or possibility of an AP prevents a healthy, natural end to a relationship, and could be the easiest explanation for why 'MLC' relationships end with such destruction and pain. Perhaps MLC is simply How To Escape your Marriage When You're Emotionally Illiterate 101: It's Your Spouse's Fault and You Deserve To Be Happy With New Person.
I dunno, just thinking out loud.
New topic: I have a question around the type of contact I should have with H.
At this point, it's my preference to only be in proximity with him long enough to say hello and goodbye while we exchange S1. I'm not interested in chit chat about his day, nor in sharing anything about my day, let alone anything more significant. The last time he spewed at me, he acted very injured that I never make small talk with him, and said that makes me mean and cold. I don't want to be his friend. I do try to limit our contact.
Is this rude of me? I'm on the fence about standing for this marriage but I do want to be the best version of myself so I can square everything away with my conscience.
