I’m so frustrated at myself for missing what I miss. And I guess you all can guess what that is. It makes me really sad. That I miss him/them even thought I know I wasn’t loved properly. My coworker and I were talking about him ( she met him when his mom was here because his mom was on her floor) and she felt so sad it ended. She also said that out of all her single friends, im one of the few who really should be with a wonderful guy and any guy would be lucky to have me. But none of the guys I date feel that way, lol. Or they do, and just can’t meet the standard
I’m other news, I began to read “intuitive eating” and it’s been such an eye opener. I’m at my all time highest weight yet I’m always trying to diet and instead I’m gaining weight. And that’s where I’ve gone wrong. Trying to diet. I eat like it’s my last meal all the forbidden foods and gain weight just doing that. So I’m working on changing my relationship with food. It’s been a crutch for depression, loneliness, and boredom. Then there is all this guilt around it. And I beat myself up.
Food is fuel, and food is enjoyable. I don’t want to make it something naughty or bad or restrictive and anything else in my life tied to guilt.
One time in my life where I lost weight unintentionally was when I was working a very stressful job on the road. And it was probably the one time in my life where I wasn’t caring about what I ate. I ate to survive and to fuel. And it wasn’t on the forefront of my mind. I’m trying to get back there. Not that stressed, but I had a better relationship with food.
I want to be healthy, happy, comfortable, and guilt free. I want to still enjoy food as I do, but I don’t even enjoy it with the weight and guilt attached to it.
Kind of an internal cleansing I’m trying to go through. Living freely and guilt free I guess
