I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

Sometimes I feel like the view towards my stich is that she is justified with what she is doing because I hurt her. Is that true? Am I viewing my situation in the wrong light?

I guess I feel like I went through a period of no hope for our marriage, I felt like it was dead, my W never listened or cared. I was in a bad spot, just a daily trudge, and that opened me up to the EA and excitement that came with that, that eventually became a PA. I felt guiltily and knew it was wrong, but had a terrible time getting unhooked from the situation. I was able to become unhooked and get out of it when it was discovered. I'm currently reading Torn Asunder, and a line in the book hit at me, that a lot of times the infidel will have the best nights of rest after they are caught, while the betrayed is sleepless. It is so true, it was a weight lifted. I guess it hard to explain but I was back to where I wanted to be, but I had almost a year to start coming to that realization on my own.

I know I hurt her, more than I can probably comprehend, but I feel like she is followed along the same paths as I. She was hurting, was vulnerable, probably hopeless, but told me and showed me exactly the opposite. That opened her up to the EA, 1000's of text, pictures, sharing feelings of mutual attraction, escape, excitement. Saying I love you, talks about the future, hiding it from me. Telling me she never felt this way before, what if this was her one chance to be happy. Then me finding it and her being remorseful and stopping contact, but then once it started again it was like she wasn't going to let that feeling escape again.

So yes, I had a PA while married, she said we were separating to work on the marriage, that she wasn't really even thinking about divorce, then the next night went to OMs house and never looked back.

So when I see things like "she's not doing anything wrong", it makes me feel like I'm in wrong for my view towards what she is doing, that she isn't a Wayward Wife.

Please don't take this as argumentative, I'm seriously trying to see if I am wrong in my view point of her actions. Is her mindset that of a wayward wife or something different?

Thank you.