W took the kids to see family over the weekend. We have been allowing each other daily video chats with the kids, but I missed yesterday. It is hard not to talk with the kids, but in ways I feel it will be healthier long-term if we are not intruding in each other's parenting time.
I've been struggling a lot lately worrying about upcoming mediation. Fear and worry dominate. How will W react when she gets a better sense of her financial situation post-D? Will I end up in a court battle for custody? How contentious will things get? Will I be able to handle the stress assertively, or will I agree to things that I later regret just to keep the peace?
I recognize I need to let go of the fear and worry as much as possible.
Beyond the logistics of what's coming up, I am struggling to sort through the wreckage of what's happened. I am okay accepting the grieving process with the loss of the MR. Those feelings come up sometimes, but I can understand them, they make sense. They are not as intense as they used to be.
I don't know if this is the right word choice, but I feel traumatized by the things my W has said about me (and to me) in the last year. I know it is just her own truth and her own reality. But she still said them. I'm trying to work through this in IC.
I feel I'm going to come out of this a much healthier person. Whether or not I can trust somebody again down the road in a relationship will remain to be seen. It's probably something I shouldn't worry about right now. But I hope it doesn't hold me back from embracing the next phase of my life.
