Some anxiety around sending email response to her proposals for Xmas, definite fear of conflict and of pushing her further away.
My GF is like this, she's afraid to say things to me on the off chance it might make me angry (this comes from a toxic relationship she was in previously), so she just says nothing. The result is that it's very difficult to communicate with her because everything is very one sided. As the recipient of this kind of treatment, let me assure you that giving a specific response is FAR better than just saying nothing or saying "whatever you want". She may not agree with your plans but she will respect you for at least being informative and specific. Your fear is probably NGS kicking in, but you are doing the right thing!
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Afraid of being accused of being controlling and balancing this with the knowledge she has no respect or love towards me any more.
Just remember she's a WAS, she will say hurtful things that aren't at all true. You are standing up for yourself, that will earn you her respect even if she doesn't act like it. And remember sometimes silence is the best response. If she sends a nastygram about how "controlling" you are, then don't reply. That'll take the wind right out of her sails because a controlling person would engage rather than ignore.
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Her: if that's what the kids want then fine, New year's fine and 15/16th not needed now.
Like R2C said, don't respond to this crap. What the kids want? Give me a break! What the kids want is loving parents living under the same roof as them! If she gave a rat's butt about what the kids want then she wouldn't be pursuing this life of COMPLETE AND TOTAL SELFISHNESS!
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Her: I don't think it's fair I only see them for a few hours on Christmas eve though.
She's seeing them 5 hours 1pm til 6pm.
Don't respond to this either. She's not proposing an alternative, just complaining. Welcome to separation, you don't get everything you want anymore.
