I totally get those feelings. My view is that who on earth would be cool and relaxed when the other parent is late for changeover, with no warning, and you're struggling there wondering what's happening and looking at your watch wondering if you're going to be late for work. That's not you rocking the boat at all. That's boundary stuff. You're not rocking the boat - H is. The thing is, H is just rocking YOUR boat. He's in his boat, chugging along, splashing you with his wake, grabbing your bow and rocking it. I'm worried that this type of thing is making you shake. That's a horrible, horrible feeling. Do you do breathing exercises to bring that down? Make sure you have a go to girlfriend that you can vent with and talk about your feelings - nothing replaces a firend you can call 24/7/365 when the proverbial hits the fan with emotions.
How about typing up an email with your boundary for changeover? When I did my boundary email after the arm grab incident, I was worried about it. Never in my wildest dreams did I EVER, EVER think the person I married would put me through having to do an email like that. But, I took the step. I just had to. Here's what made it extra sh#$tty and a real slap for me - when my step kids were young, and she was battling her XH, it was me that stepped in and helped her with emails, communications etc with her XH, becuase she couldn't handle it. You can do this Scout. I've seen and known men like what you describe your H to be, and I have no kind words to say about this type of man, so wont say anything. Other vets have given their assessment too on your thread.
If your boundary email doesn't work, then your options are either continuing to put up with it, or get that L letter out. I dont see any other options.
I think you need to have a discussion with your L too about parental responsibility, as your parenting Consent orders will have some clauses in there about its allocation. Or am I misunderstood and you just have property orders?
Keep your chin up Scout! Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
