A person in crisis will go with or without the LBS’s help. Just think - a Mom literally stepping over her crying children as she leaves her house to go live with OM. That is the lack of empathy a MLCer exhibits. Self centred and total indifference. Me and my kids had a front row seat to that.
How she will perceive your help. It depends, and it will change. She is ruled by emotions and they are not static or stable.
A guess - she see it as you being alright with her cheating proposition. You are enabling her running behaviours, although she doesn’t see them as running.
There would be little to no gratitude, well sincere gratitude, she might have a facade. In fact I would suspect she would harbour resentment towards you for your role in this. That probably makes little sense to you - because you are thinking rationally. She is not. She is irrational.
She at some point will be looking for anything to blame you for, get mad at, and stomp and storm out. For an hour, for a night, for a weekend, for whatever. Stay on the sidelines and do not get in the line of fire.
She is a big girl. If she wants to go away for the weekend, she can figure it out. Your help would be to look after the kids.
You cannot stop her and you seem to realize that and are not putting boulders in her way. However, you need not help her leave. There are boulders and bumps in life and she needs to handle those on her own.
So probability of each:
#1 - She’d take your offer with no reflection. She’s looking to get away not reflect.
#2 - I do think she would respond negatively, maybe not outwardly but internally. She doesn’t want, or wants to need your help.
#3 - Yeah. Kind of.
#4 - Oh yes! You being ok with her running is not the thing you want to project IMHO. Try - You are ok with her being in control of her life. And she has to live with the consequences of her actions - boundaries for example.
#5 - Nope. Trying to convince her that you want her to leave so you can have fun with the kids, doesn’t look like GAL. Instead - just go have fun with the kids. Invite her along and if she doesn’t want to come, fine. Get a Life for you and your children. GAL is not dependant on her actions.
#6 - Not likely. She doesn’t feel she is wrong or broken. You can be supportive but she will not view it that way.
Her perceptions, how she might perceive your actions is a good question. Remember she is hurt and emotional. She is looking for someone to blame, looking for justification. You support her by giving space and time. She needs to grow up and she can’t do that if you help her.
Now, that doesn’t mean never help her. If she is in serious trouble, help, just like you would anyone. If she is doing things as a family and asking for help, another fine time. It’s the MLC stuff. She is going to make some very poor decisions and she needs to be accountable for those. She needs to own them and grow from them. Your role in that is to stay out of it unless it impacts or affects you and the kids. And then it is not to change her, it is to protect you and the kids.
Anyhow, that my take on things, from what I’ve seen and experienced.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
