Even at times when I was resentful or angry she was my air and the centre of my life, my thoughts, my emotions I am very prone to fear based thinking and emotional dependency.
Those fears of rejection and abandonment have ironically caused rejection and abandonment.
I'm working on it, but early days and seemingly a long journey.
This stance on Christmas feels like a first step to some assertiveness, whether that translates to any respect who knows.
I know she will be hurtling about this, and Christmas eve and morning will hit her hard, I want to reach out but know I cannot.
Most likely response will be directing anger towards me, either to her friends or directly towards me. Fully expect this to be translated as further evidence of what a controlling monster I am.
