I've been feeling completely worn out and exhausted this week. Last night I came home and binge-watched 5 hours of TV. This is not like me.
I'm not sure what's going on exactly, but I need to practice better self-care, starting with sleep. I have a lot going on. In the last 2 months, I ramped from zero projects at work to four. I have mediation and the situation on my mind. The holidays are here and I need to prepare. I've been working out a lot in my garage which is great, but maybe also wearing me out physically. I've been isolating myself a little bit socially. My one close friend in this new area has a very busy life as well.
I'm not really wallowing, but I need to just kick myself in the butt and get out and start doing stuff and living life. I know this. Tonight I'm going to a concert with a friend. I hope I can let things go for a few hours and enjoy it.
On another front, my sister has offered to come visit me soon. She is 3 years older, and since the estrangement from my parents we have not kept in touch much. Things were awkward, and she and my W always had a dicey relationship. My sister also lost a child at childbirth, and went through some struggles where she isolated herself. My W always thinks my sister is going to play matchmaker and try to get my parents and me to talk again.
Now that I look towards the future, I want to see my sister more. Her daughter is 4 months older than my son, and we haven't seen her in 3 years. I want to repair that relationship. I want the cousins to all know each there. I want to know my niece. We live on opposite coasts, but perhaps we can arrange a yearly visit. I'm excited for it. My W has so many friends and family, and they became my friends and family. I need to start over now. I don't need the quantity of friends she has, but I also can't just sit back and wait for these connections to fall into my lap. I need to work at it. It's not natural for me.
I'm expecting W to react poorly if my sister comes out on a weekend I have the kids (which is the plan). The NG part of me wants to avoid the conflict, especially heading into mediation. But I can offer no reasonable argument why she should not come out and see the kids.
I don't feel like I need to give her advance notice, although I think it would be a courtesy in this situation.
Me: "W, my sister will be visiting the weekend of XYZ."
All along I've been viewing the settlement agreement as an endpoint, after which I can act as I please. For instance, I will not be regularly updating my W when the kids are with me. In the meantime, I've been thinking I do not want to rock the boat and tilt us towards a nasty court battle where she hurls accusations at me.
But sometimes I think I just need to make changes now. There are countless reasons she may make it nasty. Why do I keep giving her updates about the kids? Why do I feel like I need to notify her that one of my family members is visiting?
I called a good friend of mine yesterday (actually my old boss). I've mentioned him here before. He went through an amicable D with 3 small kids, and took the weekends with the kids. When alimony ran out 3 years later and he wanted 50/50 now that the kids were school-age, his XW forced it into court. She would call protective services on him while the kids were at his house. She tried to turn his oldest son against him. The whole process lasted 2 years. He got 50/50 in the end and things died down. It sounded like a complete nightmare, but he didn't speak of it that way. He sounded nonplussed and just handled what came his way. I'm sure it wasn't that easy in the moment. But he has moved on and seems incredibly happy. He is a role model for me.
