But, what is an apology? What is it that you imagine? What is it you want or are wishing/hoping for?
The “I’m sorry....etc,”, the words? I think the words would become hollow pretty fast.
Grovelling? Begging for forgiveness? Probably not what you are after. Without doubt it would be a start, but lacks substance.
Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do.
The apology - the sincere admission of guilt or fault and an expression of true remorse for thoughts and/or deeds. Includes the fallout and affect of their actions upon others and the collateral damage. An ownership and a desire for amends.
That, of course, is going to take a while. They will start with seeing/accepting their guilty feelings. Move into seeing their fault in this. Regrets will happen, but true remorse will take some time and inner searching. Regrets are self looking, remorse has a pronounced empathy within it. And MLCer lacks empathy, so remorse is going to be down the path.
However, regrets. Expressions of regret. Actions and words. Part of that apology.
H stated in an email to you that he is not happy, he is torn. He cared for you. Deeply, and more than you realize.
Regrets. H’s regrets - at that moment in time. Remember, consistent long term behaviour - not one time things. Still he did express some feelings and expressed them to you. Something I have yet to receive.
That is an apology. Probably the best he can do right now. Not the one you are imagining, the big grand “I’m such an idiot, what was I thinking?” kind of thing; a little lesser which is understandable he is of course still working his way through things.
Did you respond? Thanked him and hoped that he also enjoys his Thanksgiving? I figure you probably responded kindly in some fashion.
Does his email and words change your path? It shouldn’t. And I don’t think it did; you are still on track. You never fell off it; it just felt like you did.
We follow our beliefs, those slowly changing values. Feelings will stir, get created, and flit. An apology from a MLCer who is peeking out during the holidays. Treat him kindly and follow your beliefs.
As H’s actions and words become consistent, his apologies more empathy filled, your beliefs will alter if you want them too.
It’s ok to want that apology. To take that desire out of storage once in a while and shake out the dust and wrinkles, like a blanket from the far back of the shelf. Realize your desire is driven on two fronts - from your ego, the wanting to be validated; and empathy and caring for H, wanting him to grow and heal.
Your desire is out in the light. Shook out and fresh an crisp. Fold it back into storage, knowing where, what, and why it is.
Your path has become a blessed and full life; much from your choices. Perhaps a big apology is awaiting in your unknown future; maybe even I have one in store. We’ll only know once we get there, and one needs to move forward to discover what the future has.
The choice to let go and look towards the future - a blessed and full life indeed.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
