I am getting better at focusing on myself and accepting that I can only control my choices. Today has been a bad emotional day. They are not as frequent as they once were but I still get them and I still want them to end. Days like today make me want to contemplate the big D.
KG -
One thing I tell myself during the rough times is that emotions are neither bad nor good. They just are.
And all emotions are equally valid. Joy, boredom, anger, love, resentment. No judgment.
The hard part is deciding when to make a decision based on an emotion. There are times when it is obvious that patience is best, when the emotions are stirring like a tornado. Bad days are like this. I'm sorry you are going through it today.
However, at some point, in order to enjoy the full human experience, that includes accepting emotions and accepting that our emotions do guide our decisions (unless you want to go full Zen). Sometimes I feel exhausted from trying to rein in my emotions.
I struggle with this all the time and I imagine almost everyone here does as well. We get that hopeless feeling that our WAS's are forever lost, that we are dummies for sticking around. We start to question our emotions themselves. If I choose to stay, am I invalidating my own self-worth? If I choose to leave, am I reacting off a temporary emotion and doing something I will later regret?
I'm rambling. It's a work in progress for me, too, but I strongly believe the more I get tuned into my emotions, the more I will just "know" what to do when the time comes. Because I'll know "This really strong emotion I'm feeling [censored], but it will subside in a day or two" vs. "This emotion here has been here awhile, and I identify strongly with it, and it is telling me something."
Originally Posted by KristinG
I struggle with nagging, internal questions. Could she fall back in love with me if I remain a safe, stable place with no judgements? Would she choose to end her affair relationship if she has enjoyable experiences with me? Would she choose to end it if she feels attraction to me? Would going NC solidify her affair relationship and form it into a committed relationship? Would pulling away more give her more freedom to cement her affair relationship? Could I even get past all of this betrayal? We don't have kids, why am I still sticking around?
You can't control her. You also can't figure her out. The more you focus on her, the more you will feel frustrated, and the more you will feel out of control of your own life. Keep focusing on yourself, I know it seems hard but you will get better at it with time.
