Yes, I do sometimes think about what could have been if she was willing (early on) but I know deep inside that will never happen. I know never is an absolute but she is who she is and that won't change. I think I have started to really begin to accept that and be a lot more comfortable with it. I miss the idea of our family for my daughters but that's really about it. It gets much easier as the days, weeks, months, and years pass. I also would not have grown without going through what I went through.
I think biggest emotion I feel is sadness that when I was in it, I didn't know any better. It was way too late for me when all the [censored] hit the fan. I had chance to save it when I didn't know I had a chance but when I didn't have a chance to save it I finally started to work on myself to save it. That's the frustrating part. It just wasn't meant to be but I am ok with that now.
I am not 100% out of the woods yet but I feel pretty close!
