You guys are both right. It S*CKS because I know what you say is true in my heart but it's so hard to give up hope and drop the rope. I feel ashamed that I am so weak to her pursuits. I know in my gut she is still seeing and sleeping with AP and has done so off and on for almost a year. 99% of the human race would tell me to leave her sorry self behind, but it's my own internal conflict because my dumb heart still loves her.
I struggle with nagging, internal questions. Could she fall back in love with me if I remain a safe, stable place with no judgements? Would she choose to end her affair relationship if she has enjoyable experiences with me? Would she choose to end it if she feels attraction to me? Would going NC solidify her affair relationship and form it into a committed relationship? Would pulling away more give her more freedom to cement her affair relationship? Could I even get past all of this betrayal? We don't have kids, why am I still sticking around?
These and more constantly play on a loop in my head. I am getting better at focusing on myself and accepting that I can only control my choices. Today has been a bad emotional day. They are not as frequent as they once were but I still get them and I still want them to end. Days like today make me want to contemplate the big D.
LBW 32 - me WW 31 T 7 M 4 No Kids 4 dogs
Separated 1y Navigating the mine field and GAL with or without
