[ Does shame play a role in this? I mean, I get that you cheated and another man took the opportunity to woo and win your lady. It's a kick to the gut! Grieving is very natural here--anger, loss, etc. I hope you're not adding the extra pain of shame to the mix when you see other farmers in the know. I'm working through a book on self compassion. There's an author, Kristin Neff, with a great website and books on the topic.
Shame is huge part of what I feel. I felt shameful and guilty for a long time during my affair and then especially with my wife after everything came out. I was trying to be there for her, ask her what she need from me, but still dealing with bringing all this down on her and my family. But since she started actually seeing the OM the shame is overwhelming. I'm from a town of 500 people, I don't go that town to eat, get fuel, whatever. I go to another town farther away, I don't go see friends, don't socialize at sport events or whatever, I just stay to myself. I seriously get overwhelmed with inferior/failure feelings seeing people I've known my whole life or people just thinking about all the people who know my wife is with someone else because they are so public with it. Let alone when other people come into my office and act different because they had probably ran into my wife with the OM because a lot of my customers run the same circles. Same with all the people I work with, they all know, no one comes into my office to visit or chit chat anymore, and I only leave my office for work essential functions.
Me 34 Her 34 T:16 years M:11 4 Daughters: 10,7,6,3 Her EA May 2019 Separated July 30th 2019 Her PA Started August 1st, 2019 Filed October 3rd, 2019
