I cheated, we survived, now my wife's cheating

[JC08]

He was married during a lot of those interactions. You may be right though, when my wife was 16 years old she was a dishwasher at a local restaurant, he was like 23 and gave her a dollar bill with his number on it, told her to call him when she 18, and for another 18 years that was their only interaction. Only reason I even know that is because she told me, "He even remembered giving me a dollar bill with his number on it when I was 16, maybe all of this happened for a reason".

I definitely think he was after her before he ever went out with us that one night. He had heard about my affair from someone, within a week he had called a mutual friend to ask what she knew about it, and then spent the whole night talking about how broken hearted he was about his ex-wife and his last girlfriend. That all he ever wanted was to marry his best friend, blah, blah, blah.

I guess I feel like detaching would be able to come to the realization that she is going to do her thing, and whatever happens happens, that I cant change her actions or feelings and I that I need to accept the reality of the situation. That way I don't dwell on where she's at, what she's doing, wondering if she has any second thoughts or remorse, what the future is going to be, what happened to the wife I knew, and instead learn to focus on myself and my life without her. To get back to who I was, a focused, driven, goal orientated, hard working, passionate about whatever I was doing person. My mother in law told me the other day that I needed to find myself again, That I had always been so upbeat, that I always came off as someone who had his stuff together, and was quick to smile and laugh. She said she knew something was wrong during my affair, but it was defiantly returning before the OM got involved, and now I'm just a shell, that she never thought shed see me like this. That I needed to find a way back to that person. I feel like detaching is part of what leads me back to being that person.