Then went after my wife, comes in the bank more than he ever has, all my other customers (mainly farmers) all know he's with my wife, my interactions with a lot of my customers have changed because it the elephant in the room, a decent portion of them will be going on that trip here soon because its a company sponsored trip at an all inclusive for all the seed customers from the area.
Does shame play a role in this? I mean, I get that you cheated and another man took the opportunity to woo and win your lady. It's a kick to the gut! Grieving is very natural here--anger, loss, etc. I hope you're not adding the extra pain of shame to the mix when you see other farmers in the know. I'm working through a book on self compassion. There's an author, Kristin Neff, with a great website and books on the topic.