Shame and devastation 3

[Jdevast]

Thanks guys,
Yes I'm emotionally spiralling, Xmas is huge emotionally.

Just to confirm I wasn't angling for lunch together, trying to say it's about time spent with kids,

My concern is that any time I say no to her or try and be assertive she accuses or perceives that I am being controlling.

Urge to say " every time I don't do exactly what you want, you feel I am being controlling"

So end of the day, they are scheduled to be with me over Christmas and will negotiate how she can see them Christmas day.