Thought I stop by for a visit and am so glad I did. BTW--what does "nitaf" mean..it's a nagging question that I have everytime I see your name.
Quote: remember reading a great technique on these boards once about mirroring back all of the critisisms that get thrown at you. If he says you are ALWAYS this or that, go into a monotone and say, "Yes, I am always this or that, you are so right, I am an imperfect human being". I did that for awhile and found that my H actually started to defend me! DBing is all about doing what works so try things and monitor.
I have never tried this, but am going to give it a try! The way my H talks to me some days you'd think I was the most awful/stupidest person around. Thank goodness I know better, but it's just plain irritating and am tired of defending it, just tired of the attacks.
My dad is actually African American. My mom is Cherokee Indian and West Indian. I always claim my African America heritage because I have dark skin and that is how people see me. I doo have some people aske me if I am mixed W/Indian because of my Hair/and other features but if I have to claim an ethnic backround. I am African American
I've never posted to you before but was drawn to the title of your thread. I'm in the same boat right now: trying to figure out some boundaries, figure out why I want to set boundaries and how to do so. I went in search of information and I hit the jackpot! You have had some wonderful advice on this thread. I even printed some of the stuff Meredith wrote to you.
Quote:
remember reading a great technique on these boards once about mirroring back all of the critisisms that get thrown at you. If he says you are ALWAYS this or that, go into a monotone and say, "Yes, I am always this or that, you are so right, I am an imperfect human being". I did that for awhile and found that my H actually started to defend me! DBing is all about doing what works so try things and monitor.
I love this by Talitsa. I never thought about it this way but I'm gonna try it!
Quoting Cathy:
Quote: have never tried this, but am going to give it a try! The way my H talks to me some days you'd think I was the most awful/stupidest person around. Thank goodness I know better,
Hey Cathy! I'm following you around. Once again, we are on the same wavelength! I, too, know better. I was thinking about this yesterday. I AM a good person, and I AM attractive. I don't care WHAT he says. I'm just his excuse.
Sorry for the hijack Nitaf. It's one of those days.
Thanks for stopping by! I have lurked here lately looking at the boundaries issue. I haven't verbalized boundaries of late - and now that I feel like my H is on the brink of return, I am playing it by ear.
But thanks for offering your perspective. Should my H move home, there will need to be an R discussion outlining our expectations and boundaries. That is when I will need help from everyone here!
Thanks again!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I got home yesterday, H was waiting in the truck. He said he came to show S how to mow the lawn.When they finished mowing the lawn, I told him thank you so uch for coming after work to show S how to mow the lawn. HE said, well it will take more than this 1x. I said, oh, thanks anyway. He called when he left and asked me to make him a dentist appt.?????????? Then he called back to ask me if I am going to use our timeshare. I said, not sure. He said, I guess will share it and take a week every other year. I said, sounds good! So in 1 breath he is saying W make Dentisat appt, next breath we are separated and this is how we will handle timeshare arghhhhhhhh. Super confused!
I am going to either ride my bike or take a long walk by myself today when I get off work.
Quote: I am going to either ride my bike or take a long walk by myself today when I get off work.
Sounds like a good idea.
Well...I guess actions speak louder than words. He was showing your son how to mow the yard.
And he did ask you to make the appointment. The timeshare thing sounds like typical WAS-speak--my H did it all the time. Try not to let it bug you. My H wanted to know how all sorts of things would be divided, and what would happen in the future. My H used to tell people constantly that he was "going through a divorce." Which, on some level, struck me as kind of funny since neither of us had filed or seen a lawyer or even filed for legal seperation. Focus on the positives, it'll keep you sane.
I'm glad somebody asked. 
Once again, we are on the same wavelength! I, too, know better. I was thinking about this yesterday. I AM a good person, and I AM attractive. I don't care WHAT he says. I'm just his excuse.