I've been posting over on MLC with some more philosophical musings but thought I'd update here as well.
H actually messaged me from the car immediately after that last conversation to say he was messaging his parents, not OW, and it was the principle that matters, ie. I have no right to tell him who he can or can't message. He is right, of course, but if I catch him doing it in front of me, I can ask him to leave my house.
H's self-righteousness and appeal to integrity, after all he's said and done, made me see red! I waited until the next morning to ensure I had calmed down enough to make the decision to reply thus:
"Thanks for that. You called your son's mother a bitch in front of him. You gave your word on your son's life knowing it was a lie. You admitted you don't have your son's best interests at heart. You betrayed and abandoned your marriage and family. Your actions have been morally bankrupt and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Let's not make a stand about principles, ok? I'm happy to pretend yesterday didn't happen if that would make you happy. Have a good day, H."
Probably not good DB-ing, but I don't regret it at all. He didn't respond, of course.
Next update, I found out that OW is one of H's employees - a 21yo (he's 29). He doesn't know that I know who she is. I'm not giving her any thought, but his betrayal is amplified because I know her and she has spent time with us as a family in social settings. Funnily enough, I thought she was a rude brat when I met her! And have since found out that she is not well-liked at work, except by H, obviously he's her manager, so he's on thin ice there, ethically.
I made the decision to conduct kid handovers at the front door to avoid getting sucked into any kind of conversation. The only time he comes in the house is when he spends time with S1 one morning a week, and I simply say hi/goodbye and leave for work. Right now, I am basically no contact with the exception of pleasantries at the front door twice a week. It's working well for me so far.
Final update, H sent me an email with a list of dates he was unavailable over Christmas and a request for alternates days. He wanted to take S1 away for a family Christmas weekend including his first overnight away from me. Finally, he wanted to see S1 on Christmas.
I replied and agreed to the alternate days. Agreed to the overnight but asked to limit it to 24 hours away from home rather than the requested 48 because S1 has not been away from me/home overnight before. Finally, I said had plans with my family on Christmas Day, but he could have the equivalent time on Boxing Day.
As an aside, I mentioned that I was under no obligation to accommodate changes to the current schedule so his gratitude would be appreciated. The next morning I felt that this came on a little strong, so I clarified and apologised for any confusion.
His reply was cordial, which was a relief as I was expecting rage and blame for the things I didn't agree to. I agreed to compromise on the overnight weekend to suit his family's plans. To date, he has not followed up with any acknowledgement.
So, that's where things currently stand. He will be served legal separation papers sometime in the next week or so. I'm keen to get that finalised to ensure S1 and I are protected.
The discussions I've been having on the MLC board are making me revisit our complete history. It's been eye-opening to see all the red flags I ignored. It gives further weight to my 'done' feelings, but I'm just sitting with those feelings for now. Other than the legal separation, I'm doing absolutely nothing except GAL and continuing my journey of self-improvement.
he's her manager, so he's on thin ice there, ethically.