What I can tell you is that if you and your W handle this as amicably as possible your children won’t be psychologically damaged.
Look, I don't want to the gloom-and-doomer and rain on anyone's parade, here, but the children are always damaged to one degree or another, even if they are older and even in so-called amicable divorces. And you can be as nice-nice friendly as you want, but D's that have at least some of their roots planted in infidelity are never completely "amicable." There are hard feelings there and the kids pick up on it, in addition to the always-present trauma of having one's family pulled apart. Do you want to make the process as least combative/abusive as possible? Of course. But don't for a second let yourself believe it will have no psychological impact on the kids, because you'd be lying to yourself (or your kids are sociopaths). There's no way it can't traumatize the kids. I've seen enough divorce up close and personal to know this intimately. It's one of the reasons that "busting divorce" and saving one's marriage is so worthwhile.
That said, yes, of course, you want to do what you can to minimize the trauma to your kids, and you can of course do things during and after the divorce to cushion the blow and let them know they are loved, and cherished, and that this isn't their fault.
But they are going to be traumatized. You need to understand this and be prepared for it so you can respond appropriately.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
