For item #1... she went ahead and already started reaching out. Last week in MC she implied S7's issues were my fault. I do think he needs some help, but I have a somewhat irrational fear about W's motives. Perhaps she wants to hand-select the psychologist. It's just one of those fears I have to face that she's going to drag us into court eventually.
I can't imagine she would find a C that would be complicit in coercing your S into making false accusations against you. It seems unlikely, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. If anything the C may be able to help your W understand it's not your fault he's struggling.
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For item #2... I will wait until we talk tomorrow. I don't have to, I am choosing to because I think it's the right thing for me to do.
For mediation, I assume you're leaving that up to her? If she starts telling you that you need to do XYZ then just state "this isn't what I want, but I understand it is what you want and I will not stand in your way. But don't ask me to do the work for you. I will give you whatever information you need from me as you need it." Leave that ball in her court.
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For item #3, I'll hear out what she has to say, but these accommodations she refers to are going to be very one-sided. It seems clear we are going to need a very detailed settlement agreement to make things crystal clear.
The settlement agreement will be pretty simple. There are templates for this. You get S on ABC days and she gets him on XYZ. On odd years you have him for Thanksgiving and she has him for Christmas, then it switches on even years. Each of you needs to inform the other in writing before taking him out of state. Any visitation outside of this agreement needs to be discussed beforehand and is approved SOLELY at the discretion of the parent that has custody at that time. So in other words, if she has a friend visiting and wants to see S during your days then she needs to ask you beforehand and you can say yes or no. Will she like that? Probably not, but that's how S and D work, you no longer have 100% access to your children. It's part of the sacrifice you make for breaking up a marriage.
How well or poorly this works out is completely dependent upon the former spouses. My XW and I have been extremely accommodating to each other. I never hesitated to take the kids if she had to travel for work or planned a vacation or whatever, and she has done the same for me every time I asked. And if she wanted the kids during my time then I allowed it, and vice versa. We both would give each other at least a week's notice for any changes. We also found ways for both of us to see the kids on holidays. There's been zero animosity surrounding the kids, it has all gone very smoothly. The girls are grown and on their own now and S is getting there, so it doesn't happen much anymore. It's not something you have to deal with the rest of your life.
Unfortunately some WAS's are so mean and vindictive that it's really hard to work with them. They want to take take take and never give. I've seen situations like that, and if that's the case then you can always rely on the formal S/D agreement to dictate what happens.
