Scout - I just want you to know, you are not responsible for your postpartum depression. This is a biochemical thing that happens to some women. Yes, it can be stressful on a marriage, but if you had been married to a better man, he would have worked to understand it and help you through it. To a narcissist, though, if you get sick you’re no longer valuable to them (hmmm, see how this echoes the coach?). From everything you’ve told us about your H in his younger days, this depression of yours is just what revealed who he always was.
I was married for 24 years to a man who I only realized after the fact had narcissistic traits. I too blew past some red flags (not as crazy as your H’s though!) When I became ill with Graves hyperthyroidism, a condition that ended up being somewhat disabling for several years, he never showed the slightest interest in knowing more about it or going to a doctors visit with me ( even though we were both MDs and he could have done valuable research for me). At the time I just struggled through it but now I realize that a real loving partner would have behaved much differently than he did.
