More anxiety last night, nearly every night now at 3am. Have to turn to sleep hypnosis or meditations to clear her from my mind.
One major valid point I don't think I mentioned in original post. Back during early days of BD after I shared with my wife my depression and close call with suicidal thoughts,
she initially was supportive until going to speak to her friends/ enablers and then in a rage accusing me of emotional abuse. At that time I broke down, would have down anything to placate her.
I contacted an emotional abuse perpetrators programme and they offered me a place on a course in London. There has been a waiting list for self referrals as their priorities are court referrals.
I don't accept all my wife's claims of emotional abuse especially not the intimacy issues being a way of controlling her but I am open to exploring any controlling behaviours or mindsets I do have so I can work on them and better myself.
Last night she messaged out of the blue. Her: can I just ask why you attended programme in London and not anywhere closer? Me: I was advised they were the closest providers Her: ok
No contact since a day later. Not sure what to make of it.
Due to both attend son's school meeting today, strangely no contact from her to confirm , so I will attend regardless.
