Lordy Girl, you are getting great advice here! Great job with setting boundaries about the glove box thing & not picking up all of the phone calls!
Your H is very, very confused right now. He's also still very much in the stage of needing to convice himself that you are (pick A through Z & fill in the blank) whatever negative thing he can pick out of thin air to justify his own behavior. I remember that stage...Yuck! I remember reading a great technique on these boards once about mirroring back all of the critisisms that get thrown at you. If he says you are ALWAYS this or that, go into a monotone and say, "Yes, I am always this or that, you are so right, I am an imperfect human being". I did that for awhile and found that my H actually started to defend me! DBing is all about doing what works so try things and monitor.
I would definately go grey. Be all kinds of perky & upbeat & complimentary when you do (occassionally) talk to him, but slather on the mystery. You need to take actions to get on with your life (who knows--that may be just what YOU decide YOU want to do anyway!)
Drop the rope & show indifference to whether he comes home or not. I also like the idea of seeing an attorney to see if fashioning a legal separation is possible.
