I think I found another option for the tree, still in the living room but without moving her drawers with clothes. There's an area on the corner I could use. We'll have to move a table and another sofa a bit ... but I do want to start setting up for Christmas. The other area is in front of a portrait we have of her with her wedding gown, don't think she'll mind if we put the tree in front of it :-)
Ha! Yeah that sounds like a good plan.
Originally Posted by Augusto
A lot going on ... but this was surreal.
On the way back from Disney Springs, W and D18 started arguing. D18 was just telling W what road to take, something trivial, and they starting fighting over that. D18 said some mean things; 'You're angry at the world. You're angry at everybody, etc.' and W was arguing but not screaming (she was tired). I started talking to D18 and telling her to please be respectful with her mom
Why oh why did you take sides? HUGE mistake!!!! What did your D say that was wrong? Your W IS angry at the world and everyone in it! I'm not saying you should side with your D, I am saying the fight was between W and D and you should stay out of it. If either one of them asks for your opinion then you validate.
"Do you hear what your D is saying? Aren't you going to say something??" "I can see that both of you are very upset, I am sorry you're fighting, I don't want to interfere as that might make things worse." "Dad, mom is so angry about everything and treating us so poorly, you need to tell her!" "I am sorry you're upset, this is a difficult time for all of us and I hope we can support each other rather than fight."
Take a neutral stance. You're not on anyone's side, you're there to support BOTH of them.
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that if she didn't like how she said something that she made her point, to not keep piling on. Told her to be grateful mom is driving her where she needs to go in the first place.
You INvalidated. You basically told your D her feelings don't matter. Can you imagine that in this extremely difficult time for her how that must impact her, to have her own dad tell her she's wrong and needs to shut up and be happy? Look, if your D gets mad or frustrated or upset then RESPECT that. Those are HER feelings, and you need to support her instead of alienating her. ESPECIALLY your D. Your W is the author of this mess, but your D is a victim.
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W is complaining to me that D18 was telling her some very mean things "you're going to end up lonely and die alone", while I was busy on my phone.
"That must have been very difficult for you to hear, how did that make you feel?" Brush up on the validation threads.
