Anyways, any advice whether I could have handled this differently is much appreciated.
I think you handled it well enough, the one change I would make in the future is quit bending over backwards to try and avoid her (or allow her to avoid you). See the crossed out sections below:
Quote
Yesterday W asked (via text) if she could stop by an after-school thing my kids have (I had the kids all weekend through tomorrow). She has a friend in town, and wanted her friend to say goodbye one more time.
I said okay, but also told her that I was planning to leave work early to pick up the kids from the activity (Normally our babysitter would take them to my house for another hour until I get home from work). I said I don't mind if she and her friend stop by, but wanted her to know in case she wants to avoid any awkwardness with her friend there. I assumed she wanted to avoid us running into each other.
She told me that they would stop by, but leave before I got there, and I should still plan to come pick up the kids. So... plan confirmed, I am going to pick the kids up from the activity.
Today, as I'm driving over to pick them up within 20 minutes, she texted the following:
1. Confirmed I was coming to pick them up. 2. She didn't realize I leave work early on my Mondays to pick them up. 3. If I wasn't coming, she would stay with her friend to say goodbye to the kids.
Then I responded with: "Yes I was planning to pick them up at time xyz. But if you and your friend want to watch them to the end, I can go to my house. Please arrange to have them dropped off afterwards and pay the babysitter for her extra time if she is dropping them off."
She responds: "No problem, we will just leave early and you can pick them up. You did not make it clear last night your plan."
I texted her a screenshot of my confirmation the night before of my precise plan and said: "Sorry for the confusion. This is what I sent last night and I thought it was clear."
Her: "You did text that. Thanks for the limited time with them."
U: Yes I will be there at time xyz.
Just live your life. If she doesn't want to see you then that's her problem, you need to still come and go as you please and let her figure out how to avoid you. If you're walking into a room and she's there and that makes her uncomfortable, well then SHE can leave. In the above case just tell her "I am picking up the kids at XX time" and that's it. No explaining, no working out what do to if she's still there, none of that. If she's there when you arrive then so be it.
