I said I don't mind if she and her friend stop by, but wanted her to know in case she wants to avoid any awkwardness with her friend there. I assumed she wanted to avoid us running into each other.
I wouldn't make any assumptions - it's not really worth worrying why she wanted to do it. I actually think there's a small positive side to this - despite the awkwardness she still chose to let you know what she was doing.
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Then I responded with: "Yes I was planning to pick them up at time xyz. But if you and your friend want to watch them to the end, I can go to my house. Please arrange to have them dropped off afterwards and pay the babysitter for her extra time if she is dropping them off."
"Yes, I pick them up at (time)." Eliminate the rest, it simplifies things. She can figure out the rest.
Originally Posted by Unchien
She responds: "No problem, we will just leave early and you can pick them up. You did not make it clear last night your plan."
I texted her a screenshot of my confirmation the night before of my precise plan and said: "Sorry for the confusion. This is what I sent last night and I thought it was clear."
Her: "You did text that. Thanks for the limited time with them."
Me: "Ok"
Yeah she is definitely testing you and your newfound strength. Don't take the bait. But at least she is trying to communicate with you and not doing things without your knowledge, so that's a tiny little bit of positivity in all this.
I might not have sent the screenshot, but its not the end of the world. When my W was in the anger phase and sent a text, I mentally crossed out the passive aggressive parts of the text and responded only to the questions or the parts that needed my attention. I made sure to read and reread my responses a dozen times before I hit send. I call it the "seven second delay".
Originally Posted by Unchien
1. I tried really hard not to respond emotionally. 2. I did feel guilty. 3. I could tell my W was stirred up.
I think you did pretty good, U. But I don't understand why you felt guilty..? You have your routine established, it's not you that is changing things up. And as far as what your W was feeling, that's her issue, not yours.
