A year on and standing

[ToSmile]

A long and rough day.

This morning on the way to work, she mentioned to me that perhaps we should make some arrangement for care taking of our children when my mother goes for her surgery next February. I told her sure, it should be fine as our helper should be able to assume the task for both kids will be enrolled in same school coming spring and there should be no issue with logistics.

Next, she told me that the divorce paper should be ready soon. I said ok. Then she mentioned that I do not need to rush to plan in moving out with the kids. I told her, well, it is fine. This has been dragging for long. We will just proceed with our plan to move out and let her have the life she sought for. And on that note, she also does not need to worry about the children arrangement during my mother's surgery as we will make the arrangement ourselves. With that, I bid her good bye as I alight to my work place.

I thought that I will be fine when she mentioned the divorce topic and pretty much gotten over it but somehow, it stung me still. Couple days back, my helper was also sharing with me that when I was away, my wife was telling my children that I treated her so nice back then. But nowadays I only scolds her. (I did not actually scold her but reprimand and made my stand clear when she crosses my boundaries).

We had some disagreement over the weekend on how to discipline a dog which she had bought but later just leave it at home and left the care taking to others, for over a year plus. Then later, she got her mum to call and ask me not to punish the dog (I slap the dog's backside and showed it the pee when it starts peeing all over the house to housebreak the dog. Previously I succeeded in doing so but when my wife is around, the dog starts peeing all over and got away with it. Till now it starts peeing everywhere).

I gave her mum the words that I would not punish the dog again. Then I told my wife I will not be doing that and will carry out more positive reinforcements.

Then my wife said that she understand that I may feel angry and such and it's better that I continue with my counselling. It will be better for my well beings. I told her yeah thanks. I had actually been doing that. And I will just be a better person for the kids. And as it has come to this stage, its kind of tiring for me.

I share with her that, even if she made up her mind to divorce me, I am fine with it. And we are under the same roof, she does not has to treat me that way everytime she sees me. I asked if divorce would really solve the issue of her unhappiness? If it will, it's fine. And is she going to talk to me like that still even after we divorce? It's funny. It takes alot of energy to behave in this way. And I do not think she is happy. But well if she feels that is the best way it is to be and having a divorce is going to make her a happier person than now, then is fine. Just proceed.

I do not know if above constitute a relationship talk but I just feel I have to voice out. It has get quite tiring for me to face her in this way in daily manner and I don't quite see or understand the point of it. I told her to just drop the angst and such if she had made up her mind.

Today just ain't my day. Burnt out at work too. Time to get a drink.