An example of the daily test - I am paraphrasing a little bit for anonymity.

Yesterday W asked (via text) if she could stop by an after-school thing my kids have (I had the kids all weekend through tomorrow). She has a friend in town, and wanted her friend to say goodbye one more time.

I said okay, but also told her that I was planning to leave work early to pick up the kids from the activity (Normally our babysitter would take them to my house for another hour until I get home from work). I said I don't mind if she and her friend stop by, but wanted her to know in case she wants to avoid any awkwardness with her friend there. I assumed she wanted to avoid us running into each other.

She told me that they would stop by, but leave before I got there, and I should still plan to come pick up the kids. So... plan confirmed, I am going to pick the kids up from the activity.

Today, as I'm driving over to pick them up within 20 minutes, she texted the following:

1. Confirmed I was coming to pick them up.
2. She didn't realize I leave work early on my Mondays to pick them up.
3. If I wasn't coming, she would stay with her friend to say goodbye to the kids.

Then I responded with: "Yes I was planning to pick them up at time xyz. But if you and your friend want to watch them to the end, I can go to my house. Please arrange to have them dropped off afterwards and pay the babysitter for her extra time if she is dropping them off."

She responds: "No problem, we will just leave early and you can pick them up. You did not make it clear last night your plan."

I texted her a screenshot of my confirmation the night before of my precise plan and said: "Sorry for the confusion. This is what I sent last night and I thought it was clear."

Her: "You did text that. Thanks for the limited time with them."

Me: "Ok"

My thoughts:

1. I tried really hard not to respond emotionally.
2. I did feel guilty.
3. I could tell my W was stirred up.

I'm not sure how I could have handled this differently. It seems like she just wanted to be upset.

These types of situations come up ALL the time. It is a minefield to navigate. I have to stand up for myself, or she will never respect me, but I also need to avoid falling into emotional traps.

Anyways, any advice whether I could have handled this differently is much appreciated.