Why can't I remember the issues and feelings I had when my affair started? For awhile I thought I was happy, then reality set in, but for reasons I don't understand yet, maybe never, I didn't get out of the affair, sure I tried, but trying isn't an excuse. I wanted out, I told the OW I wanted my life back, I wasn't leaving, and for some reason I couldn't stick to that.
If I could remember then I could focus on that. That this is what I really wanted, this was what I knew the direction I was going. Now I can't, can't come up with a single legitimate reason to leave her, yet I have given her so many in a year's time to leave and for that I really can't blame her.
Something I thought I could never do, something I never understood how people did, then I did it all. Unhealthy as it is for me, I just don't know how I am going to not be intertwined with her and her feelings and needs, I'm sure unhealthy, but just the way it always has been, except during the affair, and now that feeling that was always there is back and stronger than I remember.
Me 34 Her 34 T:16 years M:11 4 Daughters: 10,7,6,3 Her EA May 2019 Separated July 30th 2019 Her PA Started August 1st, 2019 Filed October 3rd, 2019
