Boundaries

[Meredith]

Nitaf,

I understand how long that month feels to you. But, in the scheme of things, it hasn’t been long at all.

If you are seriously feeling the need to call your H more, here is what I would do. Limit yourself to say, two conversations with your H a day. If you answer the phone twice when he calls, then you don’t get to call him. If you call him once and he calls you three times, only answer one of his calls. Get me?

That way, you’re not casting yourself back into old habits, you are not making yourself completely available to him and you are staying within your own boundaries.

To be honest, I don’t know how dark you look to him right now. Because you don’t answer all of his calls, you do seem to answer the majority of them. Maybe limiting number of conversations rather than who initiates them is something that will bring the message across better.

Every single one of us who has faced the prospect of going dark has feared that our WASs will think we’ve become accustomed to our arrangement and have accepted it. This isn’t terribly far from the truth, BUT, what we’re also adding is that we’re detached from it. We’re no longer willing to do their bidding. It wakes them up faster than you might think.

I know that it may seem in YOUR situation (we all think the same about OUR situations though) that going dark may hinder things for our already insecure spouses, it actually gives them a reason to wonder, a reason to ponder things and ultimately, a reason to come to a decision.