It was rare for us to take photos together; aside from our wedding, we probably only have 10 photos of us as a couple in nearly 10 years.
This is a red flag right here. Why wasn't he snapping selfies with his lovely bride? Why weren't others taking photos of you two together and sending them to you? Especially early in a marriage, those things are normal. (Even in the pre-cell phone days, I have lots of photos of me and my ex husband together from the early years of our marriage. Even from the end, actually, but he had shark eyes in those.)
I'm getting the feeling that whatever is wrong with your husband now, he was never the husband you deserved even early in the relationship. The best thing about a good relationship is being truly seen by your partner and valued for who you really are. A relationship without that becomes very painful and drains the life out of you.
You are questioning whether your behavior was the cause - it wasn't. A man who truly loves his wife would be loving and attentive through a postpartum depression or whatever, and would at least try counseling if he was unhappy in the marriage. You can't fix his mental illness or personality disorder or just lack of values, whatever it is.
I'm curious - did he ever show signs of dishonesty in small things before? My ex was not a dishonest person per se, but was more willing to bend the rules than a straight arrow like I was. Little things like lying to return something, or a bigger thing like giving paid lectures that were actually prohibited by his employer. I suspect that if I had not been the one doing the taxes, he might have cheated a little on those too. I realize that lots of people think those kinds of things are normal, but not me. And I think it's a slippery slope of justification that makes things like affairs easier to lie about too. I should have paid more attention to this trait in him when we were dating.
