Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 5

[DaB35]

That's because DB'ing is counter-intuitive. Your heart is telling you that you need to "nice" her back. Remind her you love her and that you're patiently waiting for her. Maybe buy her some flowers or a nice gift to show how much you care. A card perhaps. Reach out and touch someone. That's Hollywood garbage. She WANTS to be left alone right now......Give her what she wants- "not you".

Thanks AS, much appreciated as always. Yes I think the counter-intuitive-ness of DBing has hit me hard recently (albeit belatedly).

That's classic beta NGS stuff. Try to shift your worries over to what awesome GAL stuff you're doing.

Agreed. I will focus my brainpower on GAL stuff.

Completely normal, and it's good that you asked here instead of doing something you shouldn't......
Good! And of course you do, recovering from a long-term relationship takes time!

That is encouraging to hear, and I'm glad I check here first before doing something that could ruin my DBing so far.

At some point she may very well say something like "well you've been so cold and distant and that has made things worse" or "you didn't fight for me so I gave up caring" but rest assured it's WAS script. She'll say things like that to support her WAS narrative and shift blame to you. If she does say things like that then either don't reply, or reply with validation. "It sounds like you're frustrated, is that how you feel?"

Noted. I will certainly validate if she brings that up. She hasn't yet. We have not seen each other in just over 2 months.

I might watch another episode of that 'Night with my Ex' reality show to see what arguments the couples have, and practise my validation responses when I listen to their conversations.

I practised validating at work today. A colleague suddenly burst into tears with the amount of work she has - seems to be quite unrealistic. I said things like, "I can see how overwhelming that much work would be" or "it sounds like it would be difficult to plan everything when you work part-time but in a managerial role". She seemed to calm down a bit and appeared to compose herself.

I'm still waiting for more info from L regarding the finances court order. Lots of questions as the form is quite unclear. She has not chased it though which surprises me, as it's been nearly 2 weeks since she brought it up first.
There is no animosity at present, just complete NC unless absolutely necessary (e.g. yesterday she asked me to pay the window cleaner as they'd come round last week when nobody was in the house - simple business-like polite texts from me).

I guess I should just keep at that picnic...