Scout - you did not cause this and you could not stop it. Sadly, anyone who “snaps” in this fashion is broken and has poor coping skills. It’s a train no one can stop.

Curious - in those photos, do you see h has “shark eyes,” - cold, dead eyes?

My ex h had a tough time turning 30. He had an MLC in his early 40’s. Looking back at old photos, he had shark eyes upon turning 30. I downplayed it as silly because aging was never an issue for me so I never imagined it could be for him. I mean we can’t stop time from marching on so why worry about it; that was my philosophy, anyway. Aging was a HUGE issue for him; every single year was a slog for him.

Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced