I appreciate the sage advice from you all. I have to admit I never even considered getting a wellness check but sadly it seems I must assume the worst.
Quote
Continue to keep the focus on you and your family. Your h's trip to Oz has begun and it's going to take quite a bit of time for him to finish his walk on the Yellow Brick Road.
Focusing on myself and S1 is the only thing getting me through this - thanks for the reminder to be patient, job. It feels good to be in control of the legalities and to be able to detach that process from the relationship outcome.
Quote
Some more advice, realize this moment, your calmness and anxiety level. You can achieve it, you are doing it right now. Your mind now knows you can find it, your feelings will take some cycles to realize it as well, and then you will start to believe it and live it. As odd as that may or may not sound.
Not odd at all. This is mindfulness at its simplest, which is funny because it can be so difficult to implement. It requires a degree of SELF-detachment that itself requires a high level of emotional intelligence. I've been practicing yoga for years but never put much effort into the mental side of it until now.
Also DnJ - I found your thread and read your account of BD. I'm so so sorry that happened to you and your family. I think I was in shock reading it.
Last night I spent some time scrolling through photos from the last year, not specifically looking for red flags, but noticing little things as they popped up. It was rare for us to take photos together; aside from our wedding, we probably only have 10 photos of us as a couple in nearly 10 years. Once S1 was born I made a big effort to document our life, so I often snapped mundane little moments that had the potential to become lovely memories. H rarely offered me the same favour. Whenever we showed up in a picture this past year, the common theme in our appearances seemed to show:
Me: timid, unsure, pitiful, sad eyes, dull, unkempt Interpretation: struggling to cope, not taking care of myself, feeling alone, reacting to love withdrawal and deprioritisation
H: fake smile, bored, obsessed with screens (phone/TV/computer in nearly EVERY picture, even with S1) Interpretation: maintaining or not maintaining the facade, depending on his mood, trying to escape his unhappiness
With the benefit of time and space, I begin to question if there is anything of value in this marriage worth saving. And yet I'm still committed to my marriage and the vows I gave.
