I am so sorry that this is a bad day for you. There is nothing worse than pressure from the children on divorce! Mainly because, you cannot guarantee him anything…you simply don’t have that guarantees to give.
One thing I am going to strongly encourage you NOT to do is confront your H about your S’s dream and the feelings behind it. Doing so would add to his guilt and the more guilt that they feel that we pile on them, the more convinced they become that we’re going to hold onto anger for the long haul. If nothing else, I’d urge you to give it a couple days. If your S is still having these feelings of fear and insecurity then perhaps speak to your H in an upbeat manor that S is struggling.
Regardless of the marriage’s outcome or your son’s moods I’d strongly encourage you to seek out a child psychologist. Giving your son a safe place to vent his feelings without hurting either parent would be most beneficial to him. In fact, it has been a lifesaver with my D4. And it truly sounds like your son has some fears, from what he’s said to you to not wanting to stay with his father overnight. Considering you cannot predict an outcome right now, a therapist would be something solid and absolute for him to rely on.
ONE more thing about your son’s fears. In doing research regarding my husband’s issues brought on by being raised in a divorced family, I uncovered an interesting piece of advice. This particular article stressed that when someone voices fears to you about something it is very important not to discount those fears by saying there is no reason to be afraid. There clearly is. DB with him. Validate his feelings and his fears…but don’t offer any words in negative of his father. I can tell you from the experience of dealing with my husband (whose parents have been divorced for literally 25 years) that it does matter, it does affect them for the long run and it is vitally important.
On that note…it’s equally important to take care of yourself when things get overwhelming. Even something as simple as sitting in your car with the radio on. Yesterday when I was feeling like the world was land sliding out from underneath me I drove home with Enya full blast. Keep yourself at the FRONT of your mind, okay?
The process will work if you WORK it.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
