That would have been my suggestion right there. Drive by and get the keys from him without waiting for him to bring them to you!
I'm not overly familiar with your entire sitch, would your H have made himself a copy of the key? Would he have reason to? Just trying to get some more background on this key situation. What was his reaction when you changed the locks?
That is good that you didn't answer the phone. Mystery is a good thing.
As are goals...
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
H is soooooo wishy washy. He may or may not get copy of key. I don't have anything to hide but it is just priciple. He claimed that he lost the old door key. I used that as 1 of my reasons for getting locks changed.
H came over Friday nite also. He had to drop S off and then said to S the game is on and sat down. He then asked S, You want me to stay and watch the game with you ? S said, yes. He stayed until about 11:45 PM. S said, mom I just want daddy here all the time.........so painful for me to hear!
I felt really sad for S last nite. He was crying and said, I keep thinking that daddy is never comin' home and yall are going to get divorced. I felt so numb and useless at that point. I didn't know how to make it better..........
I am down today. I can't stop crying. I only get this way once in a while now.
I am sad because S said he had a bad dream that we divorced and daddy got his own place. He said mom please don't let this happen. I feel so helpless.......
I am so sorry that this is a bad day for you. There is nothing worse than pressure from the children on divorce! Mainly because, you cannot guarantee him anything…you simply don’t have that guarantees to give.
One thing I am going to strongly encourage you NOT to do is confront your H about your S’s dream and the feelings behind it. Doing so would add to his guilt and the more guilt that they feel that we pile on them, the more convinced they become that we’re going to hold onto anger for the long haul. If nothing else, I’d urge you to give it a couple days. If your S is still having these feelings of fear and insecurity then perhaps speak to your H in an upbeat manor that S is struggling.
Regardless of the marriage’s outcome or your son’s moods I’d strongly encourage you to seek out a child psychologist. Giving your son a safe place to vent his feelings without hurting either parent would be most beneficial to him. In fact, it has been a lifesaver with my D4. And it truly sounds like your son has some fears, from what he’s said to you to not wanting to stay with his father overnight. Considering you cannot predict an outcome right now, a therapist would be something solid and absolute for him to rely on.
ONE more thing about your son’s fears. In doing research regarding my husband’s issues brought on by being raised in a divorced family, I uncovered an interesting piece of advice. This particular article stressed that when someone voices fears to you about something it is very important not to discount those fears by saying there is no reason to be afraid. There clearly is. DB with him. Validate his feelings and his fears…but don’t offer any words in negative of his father. I can tell you from the experience of dealing with my husband (whose parents have been divorced for literally 25 years) that it does matter, it does affect them for the long run and it is vitally important.
On that note…it’s equally important to take care of yourself when things get overwhelming. Even something as simple as sitting in your car with the radio on. Yesterday when I was feeling like the world was land sliding out from underneath me I drove home with Enya full blast. Keep yourself at the FRONT of your mind, okay?
The process will work if you WORK it.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Thanks Meridith and Nervanna. I try to validate S's feelings . I am going to find a child psychologist for him to talk to. It just hurts because we as moms think we can always make it better.
I felt good by the time I left work. S's B-day is today. We are having his favorite dinner and I am getting him a cell phone and some playstation games.
H kept calling me yesterday, about 4x's in a row. He had a different question each time. I was very indifferent and cool. The 5th time he called I didn't even answer the phone......
Nitaf, not much to say except I think you are doing a great job. Tell S happy b day, I know ya'll will enjoy this special day with his favorites and the new toys.
Good for you not answering every one of his phone calls. Takes a lot out of you so make sure you do something for you soon.
Hugs and prayers,
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
S and I are going bike riding today. I am looking forward to that.
H was over for S's b-day yesterday.He stayed until about 11pm.
H called me this morning and said tell S to take trash out. I said, he did it last nite. He says yeah, I know but I want him to take out trash that built up after dinner. I don't want it sitting until next week! huh? I don't get him.
H is graduating 2morrow. I bought him a card. I was going to write I am proud of your accomplishment and I wish you much success in your endeavors(sp). Is that ok? Pleae respond.
one of his complaints was that I was not supportive and did not appreciate his accomplishments.
My H also thinks I am not proud of him and don't encourage him. I like to joke around and tease and never realized he took it seriously. Guess our backgrounds were just different. In my family, we all tease each other.
Anyway, knowing that, I say go ahead and give him lots of support and encouragement. Pretend he is not your H, but rather a close friend. How would you treat your friend? Do the same for him.
The bike ride sounds like fun and is very good for you health too.
So H came over last night for S's b-day. Regardless of if it was expected or not it is a wonderful thing that happened. Him calling you this morning to have you have S take out the "after dinner" trash is really cute and funny I have a quick question about this part...
Quote: I don't want it sitting until next week!
Was there a pause before he made this statement? If there was I think this was his way of trying to do the crawfish (you know walk backwards, as if he is trying to take the steps (in this case words) back)
IMHO I think sending H a card is a great idea, telling him you are proud of his accomplishments will really make him feel good. My H too was a victim of not getting the praise and admiration he definitely deserved. I make sure I tell XH all the time that he is appreciated.
Not sure if you are the mushy card type, but if you are have someone else pick out the card for you.
If it were me sending the card I would do something silly like get a little kids Graduation card and write the message in crayons. I'm this type of person but if your H is very sensitive of reads into things negatively this might not be the right thing to do.
I hope this helps! hugs and prayers
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
