Geez...you really have many great advice here, dont know what else to add except that finally my H told me that when he saw me moving on (I started going out and meeting people)and kids being 'ok' without him, he started thinking. At first he told himself, well this is good, at least we can go our separate ways peacefully, but later he realized he couldnt take it because he wanted to be with me and watch kids grow up. I never know that by us moving on and acted as if has been the turning point for him.
Hope this helps a little.
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
