One thing she put in the divorce papers was that she mentioned MC and I "refused and declined" it. I genuinely have no recollection of this.
My XW said the exact same thing, to me rather than in the D papers though. I didn't remember it either! There was an incident years before BD where she ran up a large amount of debt on her CC and we had an argument about it, at the time she said she was worried I might leave her and asked if we needed counseling and I told her no because I thought we could work through it (and we did). So maybe that's what she meant, who knows. The re-writing of history can be very confusing to the LBS.
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I did put her on a pedestal and that was dangerous because I lost - to use a term from the book - my 'personal power' in the R. However, thinking back, she put me on a pedestal too. She was always making out I was this perfect man to al land sundry and as I result I disliked that as I felt I couldn't ever do anything wrong or slip up at all, and if I did I let her down really badly.
Have others found this too - being too subservient then realising it too late?
Well we all had our faults, mine were different than yours (in my case there was a lot of passive/aggressive behavior by me towards my XW) but no less significant. We can't change history, but we can change our futures so that's what we do. We read, we learn, we change and we go onward and upward as better people
