Boundaries

[Meredith]

Yes, he will be with me this weekend. I am going to have a talk w/H today about having him every other weekend at his moms. I am just going to calmly say that although I understand that being at parents house is not the ideal sitch, your son needs to spend time w/u every other weekend. You don't have to spend it in the house. Take him out. Enjoy the weather. If you are not in the house, they can not boss you 2 around.

How about not solving the problem for him? He made the choice, he’s an intelligent human being, let him figure out a way around the problem. Simply say that next weekend is his weekend and that you’ll drop S off at a certain time. S is also old enough to suggest doing some things outside of the house.

It is amazing to me that since he left he pays attention to things having to do with S that he never paid attention to b4. He never use to buy his clothes. That was always my job. He is buying him a bunch of stuff and taking him to all of his basketball games, but not really spending any quality time w/him. I told him it takes more than that to be a father. I think the guilt is making him spend ridiculous $$$$$$$$$ on S. S has caught on and now just asks his dad for whatever he wants!!!!!!! S tells me that he really doesn't want to spend the weekend w/him though. He said, he would rather be home with me. He won't call his dad unless I say so. H said, can you let him pick up the phone and call me sometime? I sid, I ain't got a lock on the phone! He said, I shouldn't have to do all of the calling. I'm like o.k?

Would both H and S respond better if there were a set time to call? Perhaps H can call at a certain time or S can. Every Monday at 5, H can expect a call from S. S will get used to doing it on his own. It is hard as a parent to send a child off with your spouse when they don’t want to go. My little boy is only 20 months, but he has this problem as well. However, it is beneficial for them and for you to spend that time together. If it is easier on S, maybe suggest having only daytime visits at first, or only one night at a time, or something that works for you. And the money issue, well, the ideal solution would be to sit down with your H and talk this over rationally. In reality, it might be one of the many things that you have to just let go for now! But I truly believe that by not adding to his guilt, this will subside. And remember, getting on with your life rather than dwelling and wallowing will defintely play a role there!

H is so controlling. He was drooping S off last nite and noticed the sensor lights by the garage were on. He said that the kids are playing with the light switch by the garage. The next thing I know he is coming in the house with the bulbs in his hand. He says where do you want these? I said, why did you take them out? He said because I don't want the kids playing with them, Their wasting electricity. I'm like , you don't live here do you? Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, easy one! He says, “where do you want these?” and you say, “if they are burned out they go into the trash, and if they are not, I’d like them back in the lights where they belong, thanks”. No need to ask questions. No need to remind anyone of who lives where verbally. Do not let him get to you!