It's a weird revelation to think I can't trust her, I guess in her mind I'm no longer somebody important to her, she has been going on about having a private life since bd, and early on she admitted she felt she had to delete texts and messages in some babble about no longer trusting me.
Part of me just wants to ask her straight up "can I trust you?"
You're going through an adjustment period and she is too. You will have some kind of relationship on the other side even if it's just a co-parenting one. During the transition you both will have a lack of trust for each other. You will wonder and second-guess each other's actions and motives. After the transition some level of trust will return. It won't be the same as when you were married, but there will be mutual trust and respect again. Until then, be wary of everything she says and does. You can't trust her right now because she has hidden motives.
Quote
Am I in LRT situation right now , is LRT what I should be doing or am at some earlier stage.
A lot of DB is written as if the spouse isn't a full-blown WAS yet, they are maybe one foot out the door. But 99% of the people that end up on these forums are dealing with a full-blown WAS with both feet out the door. So yes, LRT is appropriate for you I think.
Quote
So just heard from the kids, wife's sister is offering to pay for them all to go to Argentina, Not a word from the wife to me on this. Not sure how I feel, it's a long long way from the UK.
You should absolutely be informed. Not sure about the UK but in the US it is written into S and D agreements that each person must inform the other in writing before taking the kids out of state. Beyond the legal side of things, it's just the polite and respectful thing to do. Here's what I would suggest- sit down with your W and tell her the kids told you she's planning a trip with them, ask her (politely) if that's the case. Tell her that as part of your co-parenting plan the two of you need to inform each other before taking the kids on a trip, and discuss the details of the trip first. Try not to be nosy about it, IE asking if there will be any potential OM's on the trip. Keep it focused on the kids. When are they leaving, when will they be back, are there any safety/ security issues, that sort of thing.
Quote
Should I just go with something like "trust is pretty low for everyone at the moment, let me think about it"
No I wouldn't say that. Don't tell her you don't trust her, just keep in mind internally that you can't trust her and act accordingly. Also no "let me think about it" because that is controlling. That implies she needs your permission, which she doesn't. She can do whatever she wants. You just want to be informed before she does, and you're trying to negotiate that with her, and offer her the same courtesy in return.
