Sorry to hear your H has dragged you through another s@#t storm again. In reading your reactions and thoughts, I have very, very similar tendencies to you. As KML sagely points out, it will almost invariably be something to do with your childhood. I'd recommend looking at videos on internal family systems. There's an English guy who does very good ones.
I won't say what I thought of H's reaction to your call for help when your S was sick and you were too. If it's any comfort, I'm surprised you're not the WAS. If this type of incident happens again, galnce into your H's eyes when he is talking. If he has shark eyes, or soemthing is there you dont recognise, back away and end the conversation and get out of there. I say this because when my XW monstered me, I noticed her eyes became very different (malevolent almost), and I knew if they were like that, I could do or say nothing (and I mean nothing) to stop her monster. Just remember 'calm, calm, calm' over and over.
Glad to hear you're doing things your way at home and decorating the way you want.
Based on what you've written with recent developments, it may be time to speak to your lawyer about setting out interim parenting arrangements in writing between lawyers, pending orders. I would strongly, strongly suggest getting advice before discussing/committing to those xmas time spent requests of H, and maybe get advice to on ongoing parenting discussions/negotiations to be between you both by lawyer to lawyer only. The toxicity in the last changeover is troubling.
I'd look at speaking to your lawyer about a neutral changeover venue too, wit perhaps a 3rd party present. Familiarise yourself with section 60CC of the Family Law Act. Read all the parenting brochures and fact sheets on the Fam Court website.
Keep us posted and good luck Scout. Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
