Gerda, thank you for your kind words of reassurance. I just ordered the book you mentioned.
Funny you mention no contact, as I have decided with the help of my psychologist this week to initiate NC. I had already been low contact/smart contact but I have a terrible habit of getting sucked into conversations, letting him pull the wool over my eyes and spin me around, and then shove me out into the blinding light with no clue how I got there!
Your comments on custody made me think. After an initial period of shock and disappointment, H's parents have made it clear they support their son, no matter what. Which is only fair and to be expected. But they have insinuated that the custody arrangement is unfair to H, which is beyond unfair to put back onto me when I didn't ask and would never choose to be a single parent. Again - consequences do not equal punishment. I willingly shouldered that burden because nothing is more important to me than S1's wellbeing. It's clear that the view in H's family now is that I'm keeping S1 away from him. I know I need to rise above this mistaken belief and keep proving that I am accommodating where possible and appropriate given S1's age. But it is very hard knowing that these people have suspicions about my character. It hurts my pride.
Kind of extrapolating on H's family dynamic here. Soon after he walked out, FIL was of the opinion that he just needed to sit him down and tell him to pull his head in. His reasons for leaving were so non-sensical and nobody could understand. MIL fell to pieces begging him not to do that, because she feared that H would cut them off altogether if confronted. How terrible to feel you can't be honest with your son because he holds that kind of power over your head. H is a very manipulative man.
