Sending this email sent me into a anxious crying fit. I've internalised so much of the garbage he's spewed at me about being controlling, mean, cold etc, that I have absolutely no confidence in my own integrity. He told me he doesn't trust my motives when it comes to S, which I KNOW is absolute rubbish and the kind of thing a person who is used to operating under ulterior motives would say. He hasn't responded and I can't seem to calm down knowing what kind of response I will probably get.
Where does this come from? What is your family of origin like? Is there someone in your childhood who mistreated you? Often there is a clue in people's childhood as to why they would take the word of a unstable spouse over their own knowledge of self. You will need to work this out in order to be attracted to healthy partners in the future.
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It makes me incredibly sad that enforcing boundaries just adds fuel to the fire he has raging at me. It's clear he doesn't understand that consequences =/= punishment. I just feel like this is putting nails into the coffin of our marriage. If I give in to his manipulation and demands, he will be happier with me and around me, and perhaps reconsider whether I'm worth leaving, but I will have compromised my integrity. If I enforce boundaries to protect myself and S, I'm pushing him further away by confirming that I'm exactly the bad person he says I am, but I will feel safer and happier in the long run.
In all the years I've been here, I've never seen anyone win their spouse back by being a doormat. I HAVE seen people lose their financial shirts because they thought appeasing their WAS would win them back, and then they ended up divorced with a terrible settlement. IF he's going to come back he'll come back, and is more likely if you've been strong but calm.
